i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
