Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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