Porn is love you can see.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
