everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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