Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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