god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
