Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
