Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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