My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
