last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
