i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
