Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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