So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
