literally had 100 drinks last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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