I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
