I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The air taste purple.
Randomize