Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
