if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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