yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize