We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
