just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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