When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
