TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
