I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
