He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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