thus making me awesome and them whores
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
