Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
