ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
