its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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