ugly people sure do ruin things
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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