remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
