I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my poor anus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dear god my vagina.
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