if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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