I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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