you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
