I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
