his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
