this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
