it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
