I bet he comes in French.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
