YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
