He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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