I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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