I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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