oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
