Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
