I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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