I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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