I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
