My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
