That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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