You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
