why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
