do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
