I feel great
I just peed on a car
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
