You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
