UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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