I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
