so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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