the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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