508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
