there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
