I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
