Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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