I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
