No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
