actually, I'm a sock model
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
