I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
