he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
