So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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